*Forewarning – a lengthy post about marriage…written by someone who has not been married very long.
I heard on a podcast ~Jeff And Alyssa ~ how, we as individuals, are so very deeply shaped by our families that understandably, it creates what OUR normal is.
Which of course, the people who raised/taught/nurtured us, shapes our outlooks and perceptions of life.
The podcast brought out more in-depth how coming together in marriage, can be tricky because of those expectations, rules, actions etc. that are more often than not, probably unspoken.
So much so, that we may not even realize we have them as expectations or habits, but it’s how we were raised and what is ingrained in us.
Mikes ‘normal’ reaction and my ‘normal’ reaction, can sometimes be very different than each others and it’s a hard thing to step back and think, ‘ok, why did I react that way, maybe it actually doesn’t ‘matter’, or is it just what I’m used to?’
I thought it was an interesting aspect to share with you’s 😊💁🏻
Being married is a lot about expectations – unspoken, spoken or contrived from everything around us.
I expected, (thanks to most man/woman jokes about marriage) that I would be the blanket hog and need all the space in bed… but no, that would be my husband.
The one I wake up beside, shivering on my one inch of mattress, while he’s sprawled out in a blanket kingdom😜
I expected there to be issues concerning one anothers families because of things done/said… but I didn’t think those would be the most repetitive, tiresome subjects of frustration😬
How can other groups of humans, make such problems for two singular humans, without even knowing it?! 🤦🏻♀️😜
I didn’t expect it to be so hard sometimes and how social media can trick us about what marriage and being a newly wed couple, really entails.
I think THAT is something people need to talk about more.
• ‘ There may be clashes, you may not always agree with each other, and it’s possible to feel lonely and unhappy while lying next to each other – all of this is not a sign that your relationship is bad, they are signs that you are in a relationship. That you are together with someone, a person who is other than you.‘
Quoted from an article in Flow magazine issue #17 •
*checking Instagram* Oh look, she posted ANOTHER photo of them, saying, ‘what an amazing man he is, how he is her bestest friend in the whole entire world and she loves him so much more with every passing minute!’
Then, in person she tells you their marriage isn’t doing that great actually?
Why do we feel such a need to validate ourselves online or make everything look like it’s all rainbows and fairy dust??
It makes it harder for others going through similar things.
I’m guilty of it too, this blog could be a whole lot juicier if I’d include all of the real life fights/bad days, instead of summing up a day with the good moments I had to scrounge up 😏
But let’s be real, marriage isn’t always nice…mostly, but not always 💁🏻
It can be tough but no one really ever says, ‘Hey how’s it going? A little hard having to deal with each other ALL of the time now I bet? Don’t worry you’ll find out how to thrive together once you adjust,’ or something like that.
They just say, ‘Oooh it’s the newly weds, still in your honeymoon phase hey?’.
(Like, c’mon, 1, maybe even 2 years later? I hope not, cause that sounds disgusting 😝)
Speaking of first year of marriage, that was last years anniversary spot 😏👌🏻💙
Movies give us the impression that all love is wildly romantic. Fights are followed by heartfelt utterances of all the amazing characteristics each other have.
(Maybe it would be more like that if we had soundtracks to give us action cues 😏)
I found it hard at times that I wasn’t ‘oohing’ over every gesture and feeling what I thought should be a kindred bond that the world needed to be made aware of… but Mike helped me see that yes, we are actually real people with real emotions and feelings, not always nice ones, not always bad, but for sure not always shared or expressed the same as other couples.
It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other or care for one another, we may just show it differently.
Every couple is different, we can’t compare relationships.
That is something to keep in the forefront of your thoughts I would say 😏
I feel like I dealt with the first year of marriage, perhaps a bit differently then some, as I am pretttty introverted, uncomfortable with new situations (and old) and moved rather far away from home and family and had no one BUT him.
(Trust me, I know I am not the only girl to ever move away from home)
I think in some ways it made it hard because I WAS 200% reliant on him for anything and everything.
To be the husband, the best friend, the girlfriend, provider, shopping partner, home decor advisor.
Which was unfair to him as well, as a guy (even one who likes clothing) he can only give outfit advice, so many times before not caring anymore😏
Though I feel slightly more independant having moved back to Canada, I also now have a confidence in going to him FIRST when things arise, which I believe makes him feel more appreciated.
That may not have happened, had I not moved away from home/all I knew, for the first bit of our marriage.
• LIVING WITH ATTENTION FOR EACH OTHER IS A SKILL WE HAVE LOST TODAY •
Excerpt from A New Take On Love Via Flow Magazine #17
I am guilty of this too.
‘ I need to blog so wait till later to talk to me.
I’m sick of doing that, can’t you do it yourself?
I told you exactly where, look yourself!!
I. I. I. ‘
This brings in the aspect of serving one another as well.
How Christ calls us to be one and how we have our specific places and roles in marriage, but BOTH are called to serve the other.
Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Having said all the above about marriage being tough at times, I don’t at all want anyone to worry that Mike and I are unhappy or not ok 😜
I would not have written this is we weren’t, I just wanted to share a little bit of the side we humans don’t always talk about, for the sake of any other couple that may have had or be having, any of those thoughts/feelings.
Now time has come… for the happy bit 😋
•A relationship has to have a lot of positivity in it.
It has to have a lot of joy and curiosity, and passion and fun.
The couple has to keep having adventures together.•
I love the above quote.
Mike and I have had/are having bucket loads of adventures and though I may bring most of the curiosity and childlike excitement, he supports that and joins in on the fun.
I have to keep him young 😉
(Art piece from our wedding, created by the ever talented, Mom @diamondandwillow 😉👌🏻)
Support, comfort, love, care, casual and deeply honest conversation, changing together to be better not only in marriage, having a partner, how to treat a loved one, respect, taking others feelings more into account… all things that marriage has brought to the table and magnified.
I can’t believe it has been two years as it feels much, much, LONGER! 😂
It actually does feel longer though, not because it has been bad but because of how MUCH has happened.
How much we have travelled all over the world, the experiences we wracked up, the life changes left and right, four moves, 2 of them continental and now we are near moving into our first home (hopefully before the snow falls) and it doesn’t feel like THAT much could have happened, in only two years.
So yes…it’s Michiel and I’s, 2nd anniversary and I felt like I should share some wisdom about being married by now 😏💁🏻
If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with to the end 😉
Do you have any marriage advice or wisdom you have gained over the course of your togetherness, that you think should be passed along? 💁🏻😉
Does anyone have a couples devotional they really like(d) to do together??
I’d love to find a way to continue to grow our relationship with each other, while also growing closer to God, as this third year of adventures begin 💕
Happy anniversary to us and Happy Thanksgiving to you all ☺️
Yes, this was my was maybe my way to get out of writing a generic Thanksgiving post, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have enough things to be thankful for, that I couldn’t fill up multiple blog posts 💕
2 thoughts on “What Instagram Doesn’t Tell You About Marriage”
I love this! So so true 🙂 even though I’m married for only a year and a half I do recognize this 😉 Happy Thanksgiving, Jess & Michiel and congratulations on your anniversary! 💕😊
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Haha, wooow a year and a HALF only? You don’t know nothin yet!😜😉 Thaaank you 😘
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