Tag: Baby

Follow Up Feelings

It was requested that when time allowed, I write a follow up to the post I wrote about my thoughts and feelings pre Lake being born.

You can find that post here – Aren’t You Excited ?! A Slightly Different Perspective On Pregnancy

Truly, I don’t have much to write about it, as the transition went a lot smoother than I was gearing up for 😬

I’m extremely thankful that Lake was (and still pretty much is 😉) a very content, happy and easy baby. Sleeping decently, quickly (though that’s slowly been changing as of late 🤪).

So I had time and a rested body on my side when it came to being eased into the baby thing.

When the occasional crying fits and long nights DID happen, I couldn’t imagine having had that to get through from the get go as some people do 😬
That could have very drastically changed the transition.

It sounds crazy to even me, but the fears and feelings I had, pretty much disappeared once Lake was with us in real life, physical form.

Not as in a huge wave of motherly love and emotion washed overwhelmingly around me the moment I first lay eyes upon him, in turn wiping away the past 10 months…

More like… maybe the pregnancy hormones just immediately began levelling back out the moment Lake left my body 😜

I just know I didn’t stay in the state I was prior to him being born.

Thank goodness 😅

I can’t give any tips or tricks, answers or reasons as to why or how those feelings changed, other than – they did.
That’s not very satisfying or helpful I know but maybe it can be considered at least ‘hopeful’ for someone who’s dealing with those pre baby emotions.

In conclusion, it is safe to say that I most certainly love him and am glad he’s a part of our family and that the trepidation of his arrival was indeed, uncalled for.

Still not saying that those were feelings I could have changed, because trust me, I tried to and I wanted to and it did nothing 🤪

In the end, all I can do is simply be thankful that they didn’t stay, that I have a happy and healthy baby and trust the feelings I expressed having prior to his birth, were read and of help to someone else going through the same thing ♥️

This is probably one of the most pointless seeming posts I’ve put up, as I have no answer, explanation or solution but it was asked that I post an update and thus, I have.
My apologies for the anticlimactic ending 😉

The Bare Necessities – For Hospital, Home & Babe

In my singular experience, I’ve learnt a few little things that possibly made the process of bringing a baby into the world/our lives, slightly easier in my opinion ☺️

I’ll share those with you here, incase you find yourself, or perhaps know of a friend, in the baby boat.

For The Hospital –

Everyone will have different wants and such and knows the general items to take with, so this isn’t an in depth hospital bag list.

Something I found helpful and hadn’t seen on any other lists, was a heated blanket.
During labour I had the shakes off and on and the warmth was very nice, as well as once the epidural kicked in and I had some time to rest and relax a little.

After having Lake, the heated blanket was great for some added comfort during the two nights I was in the hospital as well.

During labour I didn’t want water. I wanted Gatorade or, as Mike and Mom wisely chose, the iced peach green tea with coconut milk from Starbucks 🤪
The Gatorade mixed with the lovely little hospital nugget ice, was refreshing and actually enjoyable, when the thought of water was repulsing.

As for snack packing… I had stuff packed but really very little of it was eaten, as you have no clue what you or your support team will feel like at the time. I’d stick with some muffins/very simple stuff to fill the gaps between either the hospitals meals or the ones someone brings you, from where you actually want food 🤪

If you suffered with heartburn during the pregnancy, DON’T forget to bring your tums to the hospital as well 🙌🏻

I also wrote a little grocery list BEFORE going into labour, to easily have on hand for ourselves or to hand over to someone else. Just a few necessities that I knew we would need fresh at the house once we got to go home. Milk, cream, bread, some fresh fruit etc.

  • Heated blanket or heat pad
  • Gatorade or drink of choice aside from water, I had two large gatorades and that wasn’t enough
  • Minimal snacks
  • Tums
  • Grocery list

I DIDN’T need the laptop and it’s cords etc.
Though we were in the hospital from Sunday afternoon until Wednesday, we only pulled the laptop out once for a very short period of time.
I was in and out of the room being monitored, brought back, out for IV, back, walking, meals, attempted napping etc. So the laptop was not really required.

For The Home –

My sister-in-law dropped off some homemade bran muffins the day we got to go home and they were SO handy to have. I woke up starving every morning (not my usual) but I was of course pretty tired, sore and having to tend to baby, so having an easy, tasty and somewhat nutritional thing to eat was very appreciated… so I guess get yourself a good sister-in-law before having a baby is what I’m saying? 🤪

(My sister gave me confetti birthday cake and cupcakes… they were eaten along side the brans, to balance everything out 🤪 )

I have a Baby Brezza and though I’ve never NOT had one so I can’t compare, I do think it’s been handy, especially for us due to a few factors.

Firstly, we don’t drink our tap water, so for warm bottles, it would have meant having to heat up the bottled water, for every bottle. Secondly his room is upstairs, so for nighttime feedings it’s really nice to simply have to press a button and have it done momentarily.

I think if you had other kids at home it would be lovely because they could run and make up a bottle easy peasy for you and same applies slightly to the husband, if he hasn’t listened to the ‘how many scoops of formula for how much water’ directions you told him ahead of time… am I speaking from experience? You’ll never know 😉

I would advise watching your local kijiji or buy and sell page for a used one and I’d also advise getting the Baby Brezza Formula Pro Advanced, if possible. I didn’t and only realized later that the difference was that the advanced model allows you to make exact bottle sizes, whereas the Baby Brezza only makes a few specific bottle sizes. It  also makes them faster and mixes them really well without extra shaking afterwards. Not a huge deal but I feel like we ended up wasting a fair bit of formula those first weeks when he drank such little amounts per feeding.

(We are using Kirkland formula. Cheapest around but ESPECIALLY when you can hit it on sale. Plus, my Doctor actually said it’s one of the best. Only the best for my boy!… Kidding Lake, we got you the cheapest and it just so happened to be good too :P)

I charted when he ate.
I realize that won’t be for everyone but at the hospital they wanted you to write down babes feeding times and amounts and I just continued it at home for a while. It gave me peace of mind, knowing that if he had eaten at a certain time, I could track it to know if his next cry was likely a tired or a hungry one for example. It was also very handy during those first few nights when both Mike and I were very tired but trying to take turns getting up for/feeding him.
Either of us could look at the last recorded eating time and estimate if he needed more food or was just fussing etc.

There were times come morning, we didn’t believe the other that they’d gotten up or forgot who’d fed when or even imagined we’d gotten up when we hadn’t and the chart told us the truth 😅🙈

I used a paper at first but then switched to using a clear photo frame and dry erase marker.

When it comes to making up the crib, they say to make it with two layers. One liner and sheet atop another, to make sheet changing easier incase of nighttime accidents etc. To me that seems a little risky because if the accident happened juuust off of the liner area, you’d now have two ruined sets of bedding.

One liner beneath the top fitted sheet has worked fine for us. I got the Ikea crib liners and didn’t realize until after the fact, that they aren’t an entire sheet, but simply a large mat to lay beneath, which I like. Something else I did, but now realize it may be slightly frowned upon as it’s a *loose item* in the crib, was to put a burp cloth where his head was, as he spit up a fair bit during the night those first few weeks. Throwing a burp cloth in the laundry was a lot easier than the amount of sheet washing i’d have had to do from little spit ups.

*I have jersey sheets for his crib and the back of the burp cloths kind of stuck to them, in a way that I wasn’t at all concerned about it being a loose fabric by his face, but you do as you feel and sheets/clothes may differ.

Something I assumed they did at the hospital was to do the foot and handprint keepsakes. They did not do that at ours and thus, I don’t have any of his newly, new born appendages. Which I didn’t really think of or realize due to ‘new baby brain fog’, until much later. So having your own keepsake kit bought and ready would be ‘handy’ 😉

I did NOT have a Snuggle Me Organic/DockATot type thing and something like that would have been nice to have at the start (or the Baby Bjorn bouncer that Lake’s Oma generously gifted him, just later on).

I thought for the price of those items, he could just as easily lay upon the couch or wherever and he did and it was fine. Handy wise though, it would have been nice to easily move him around, in a location made for him and having a removable cover to wash instead of cloths on the couch/taking up a couch seat… but we survived ok without one 😉

Update – He did not like the Baby Bjorn bouncer. He also outgrew it really fast 😛 Though it was highly recommend many places and by many people, I just didn’t see the need for something that expensive. Especially because it doesn’t have any toys attached and attachments for it are an extra pretty penny.  I’d go for a much more affordable option like  fisher price bouncer or something like that.

I didn’t think I’d need a lamp because I assumed my phone light would do the trick but that was an incorrect assumption. The flashlight was too bright and the screen too dim. A little lamp was for sure needed in babes room. One person also suggested using a battery candle as an easy/portable night light option!

A baby journal if that’s your sort of thing. I didn’t get mine until a couple weeks ago so now I’m trying to do catch up writing and that’s a tad annoying. I got a Promptly journal and love the look and writing prompts. One downfall is once I start adding pictures I don’t think it will close the greatest.

Lastly, get yourself a wall mural! Joking cause that can’t always happen and doesn’t always fit the decor scheme but also semi serious because I have actually REALLY liked having something interesting to look at during night feedings! 🤪

  • Muffins or some sort of easy, nutritional, easy to grab food
  • Baby Brezza – Advanced Pro
  • Feeding chart
  • Crib mattress liners – Ikea for price and size
  • Burp/spit up cloths
  • Foot and handprint keepsake kit
  • Baby lounger/reclining bouncer
  • Lamp/battery candle
  • Baby journal
  • Wall mural 😉

Diaper stations are mentioned everywhere if you read any preparation write ups. I actually emptied out a drawer in our living room dresser and it’s been perfect.

  • Diapers – I found Pampers leaked so Huggies are what we use now. Make sure to sign up for a small box of free newborn Huggies and wipes here – Huggies Welcome Box
  • Diaper cream –  Destin is a bit more of a heavy duty one that we also dabbed on when he had heat rash in his one arm pit since it has higher amounts of zinc than some. But use oil on a q-tip to gently roll it off when cleaning baby, as water just gets it goopy. Baby Boo Bamboo cream is one I received at the baby shower and it has been nice as a lighter cream that also absorbs and cleans off nicely. The Young Living diaper creams I got, once opened, hardened so much I could hardly squeeze out the cream…and ease is a necessity when a diaper is open and hands are pretty occupied 🤪
  • Lotion – Is there actually any baby lotion besides Johnsons? 😉
  • Coconut oil – handy for head and body rashes that you’re not sure about putting any type of lotion on
  • Cornstarch – for keeping the neck rolls, or any rolls really, dry
  • Wipes – I’ve personally found pampers wipes leave little fuzzies, so I’ve been using Huggies brand in those too.
  • Extra pacifiers
  • Alcohol wipes for the belly button – you should be able to get extras of these from the hospital. STOCK up on the diaper cart items while in there 😉
  • Nail clipper – for easily grabbing to use once the babies asleep and still
  • Extra bib(s)
  • Extra swaddle
  • Vasaline
  • Gripe water, Infant Tylenol and the nifty medicine administer pictured in the bottom right corner, that I got in a baby grooming/hygiene kit
  • Saline drops – I didn’t have these before he was born but it would have been nice to have them, as he was pretty snuffly, getting used to the outside worlds air and all 🤪

For The Babe –

I loved the white toque they gave us at the hospital!
It stayed on, was long enough to be pulled down or folded up, whichever was necessary and it was light enough it didn’t seem like it was overheating him. Get one and keep it 😅

At the hospital, the nurse told us to smear Vaseline down the middle of his diaper to help those first unpleasant poops not get so stuck on him and be easier to wipe off.
It worked SUPER well 👍🏻

If you’re using the formula bottles the hospital supplies, consider pouring them into your own bottle to feed baby.
I didn’t realize until we were home, that the nipple hole is very large on them and it was causing Lake to gag and in turn freak me, the new mom, out 🙈
Gagging was solved as soon as we used our own, smaller nipple tops.

The health nurses said to wipe out babes mouth with a wet washcloth to help prevent thrush.

When changing babies diaper, use their onesie to fold up over their wild little arms to calm down the process!

We also tried to brush the wet-wipe over his belly pre diaper change and then give him a minute incase that inspired a ‘tinkle’ 🤪
I’m not sure if that truly did any good or not, as there was for sure still insistences when the timing didn’t align but it happened more to his daddy then to me, sooo maybe daddy didn’t allow much ‘wait’ time? 😉😜

In case of diaper contents going where they don’t belong, mainly up 🤪 don’t forget baby clothes have nifty shoulders so that they can be slid down, so you don’t have to bring the mess up and over! 👍🏻

My sister told me this next hack and it’s been SO useful.
We don’t have a bathtub in our house, so I was trying to decide on a baby tub to get, when she told me how they had typically bathed their babies.
They took them with, IN THE SHOWER.
Baby stays super happy and calm because they are so warm and cuddled.
And then there’s no messy baby bath to fill/drain and store.

Cautionary note – wet babies are very, very slippery 😂🙈

I have this sink ‘flower’ for when a combo shower isn’t an option and I do really like it now that he’s got some head control. We just need to move over to the big side of the sink now 😅

Not sure if this is a tip or not, but lotion their little heads, hair or no hair, moisturizer is important 😄
I automatically did it because I always seen my sister do it with her littles but I’m not sure if everyone does or not.

They grow FAST 😅
Don’t waste money on a ton of outfits if at all possible 😬
I was lucky enough to have gotten a lot of second hand outfits, so I didn’t have to buy anything hardly but still, he fit things for such a short amount of time, it would have been very painful watching the $$$ of clothes just get given/packed away.

If you have a ‘Once Upon A Child’ near you, I highly recommend checking them out! I went to one recently and was very impressed by the cleanliness, organization and prices. Making it a place that I think will come in very handy, as my 3 month old is currently wearing 6-9 month old stuff… meaning the few things I DID buy before he was born, are not at all seasonally appropriate.

I preferred and still do prefer, footsie pjs so he doesn’t need pant waist bands or socks for bedtime.
The sleeper gowns were nice at the start but he’s on the long side, so after a certain point the elastic bottoms wouldn’t stay past his feet as they should and it made it a bit annoying to keep down 🤪
For sure get all the things with fold over hand mittens if at all possible 🙌🏻

Doggy bags from a dollar store work for those on the go diaper baggings! Cheap and easy.

  • Keep the hospital hat
  • Vaseline wiped down middle of diaper to aid in those first diaper fulls
  • Newborn nipples – I have four bottle tops, six probably would have been nicer for ease… but I have to do the dishes often anyways
  • Fold onesie up over arms during diaper changes
  • Damp washcloth over your finger to clean babies mouth and tongue to prevent thrush
  • Clothes can come down and off, instead of up and over, incase of blowouts
  • Shower with baby for a calm and easy bathing experience
  • Sink bath ‘flower’
  • Lotion their little noggins
  • Second hand clothing or at least leave tags on all you can, incase of returns
  • Dollar store doggy bags

I am positive that I am forgetting things but for now, here are the things I can recall… Leave your favourite hospital and baby hacks/tips below if you have any! 😀

The ‘Firsts’ Of Many!

Well, I never thought it would take me over 9 weeks to write a blog post about daily life 😅🙈

That being said, let’s just dive right in to this overview of Lakes first week home!

No pun intended 😜

16th – (The evening)

I finally opened up the gifts that had been left on the kitchen island! My sisters ‘new mom’ care package consisted of celebratory sparkling grape juice, a confetti birthday cake for Lake 😉 a starbucks gift card, travel coffee mug, hair masks and facial oil ❤ There was also a bag containing some sherbet colored tie-dye pj’s from the hubby 😉

The first NIGHT home with Lake, was horrendous 😣

It felt so wrong to have him in his own crib in his room, so we made up a makeshift bed beside ours and thus began the night of zero sleep for mommy 😬😜

‘Is that a normal noise or a not normal noise? Why is there no noise?’ and so the questions went, running through a very alert, yet at the same time very over-tired brain 😬
Fairly normal I’m sure but also SO exhausting and morning was pleasantly welcomed… just, very groggily 😬

17th –

Mike had went to work, so I had my first morning at home with the babe. I ate one of the blueberry bran muffins the sister-in-law had dropped off the day before and was super thankful for that easy and tasty way to begin the day… accompanied by a confetti cupcake from the sister for balancing out the health levels😉
Slowly trying to tidy the house between feedings, changings, swaddling and just trying to figure him out, as well as managing my own aches and pains, is what filled my morning.

My mom stopped by on her way to town later in the morning and after I tried to talk with her and had a tired (little😉) hormonal cry, she dropped me off at to my sisters and I ended up being there for the remainder of the day.

The process of getting ready to go to her house took much, MUCH longer than it ever had before and I still felt very unprepared 😅
I had to get dressed, feed and dress the babe, pack some stuff so I could have a bath there as we don’t have a tub and then try to pack up the diaper bag too. Although none of those tasks should be tricky, my brain function wasn’t at an all time high after having had roughly 8 hours of sleep over the previous three nights 🤪

I had a quick bath (as I still abhor baths) and changed into actual semi publicly acceptable clothes and was then treated to a yummy fried eggs and toast brunch before going to take a nap in the sisters room, whilst she babysat.

I slept for 2, VERY wonderful hours and probably could have continued but figured I shouldn’t 🤪

Next, I was served a tasty fruit smoothie and then she and I traded shoulder rubs.
I was served a healthy and delicious supper of spaghetti squash with blackened chicken and tomato sauce, as Mike was working a long day and wouldn’t be home for supper anyways.

My day there ended with a coffee and newly brightened outlook on life, after having been served all day 💗

We put Lake in his room that night and it was a much better sleep for us all.
His room is literally just a few steps across from ours and with the doors open, there is more than enough nearness to be aware of his needs 😉
It still felt a little wrong… knowing that he’d only known a warm, dark, comfy and noisy place up till this point in his life, where he now lay all alone in a ‘big’ empty bed 🤪🙈

18th –

It was a very pretty morning that awaited me prior to Lakes breakfast feeding ☺️

Mike went into town to take care of a few things and I tried to finish cleaning up the house, give Lake a little wash cloth bath and get myself ready for the health nurses visit.

Mike was back at the house before they arrived that afternoon.
One asked me questions about my recovery etc. while the other looked over Lake.

It took three try’s to weigh him, during which on the third try he went #1 and #2 on their scale🤪

Besides a bit of a rash under his one arm, he was looking good and we just had to try to not keep him too warm and air out his little pit/put some rash cream on it for a few days.

A call with Oma Inge gave us some more tips on how to care for it as well 👍🏻

A family photo was snapped since we looked semi put together… note the vacuum behind us though 🤪

Thanks to a reminder from a friend, I actually snapped a picture of just myself and Lake later that day, not really having thought to do that up to that point.

19th –

I took a picture of his fuzzy little ears, wanting to document them before the hair went away, as there are few opportunities in life where hairy ears, are considered cute 🤪🙈

(Even here, they are almost verging on creepy more than cute 🤪 )

Mike hung out around home for a little bit before he went to Saskatoon to buy a vehicle 🤪

I then went to the parents house for dinner/the evening.
Where Lake enjoyed a leg massage via grams 🤪

Mike came there with the new vehicle and informed us that it was MY and Lakes car… cause I drive so much 😂
But whatever 😉💁🏻‍♀️

New baby, new car… typical Mike 😏

Once home, there was some laundry to be tended to before bed 🤪

20th –

We stayed home and listened to a sermon that Sunday and then actually had some family friends over for lunch ☺️
Sundays can feel long when spent at home after a Saturday at home too, I was feeling fine, Mike was going to grill and they wanted to meet Lake asap, so it all worked out perfectly 😉

Beside the fact that our guest insisted on bringing the salad and dessert, so I didn’t have a whole lot to take care of preparation wise 🤪

We spent the afternoon visiting with them, the sister and her littles came over too around the dessert portion of the day and the husbands went to look at an acreage that Mike had seen was for sale and we’d taken a look at before Lake was born.

Atlas was caught by Mike, sneaking a peek at the babe in his room 😏

21st-

Monday brought with it some beautiful weather that needed to be taken advantage of 😄
So, after Mom came over and helped me give Lake another bath, we bundled him up for his first ‘walk’.

It was most definitely a slower walk then we’d went on pre Lake, every bump and jostle seeming like it must feel as though there was an earthquake in the stroller seat for the babe🙈

After we completed our walk, we enjoyed some of the creamy potato soup my dear friend had left with me the day before ☺️🙌🏻

Atlas was found asleep in Lakes crib, multiple times.

The funny thing is that prior to Lake being in the house with us, she had zero interest in his room.
It had been finished and ready, door open, for weeks. During which she never went in it but after laying Lake in his bed for half an hour or so the first day we were home, she was later found asleep in his crib.
Attempting to reclaim her territory I would presume 😬😅

22nd –

My friend who moved to Ontario was back visiting and had a chance to come make Lakes acquaintance ☺️ She MADE him this thick, cozy blanket and putting aside the face he is making, he loved it I’m certain 😉

I somehow did more socializing and being ready to see people and having a clean house in Lakes first week of life, then any of the months before he was born 🤪
It was so nice to be able to see her though, since if she hadn’t happened to be visiting, it would most likely have been some time before she’d get to see him.

The health nurses called to check up on me and the babe again, just making sure all was still going well, which thankfully, it was ☺️

This doesn’t really detail the many night wakings and general emotions that also occurred during this first week but perhaps a post on those ‘pleasantries’, shall follow 🤓

Preparing For Departure

 

Well, Baby H came into the world at 1:41 am on Tuesday, September 15th, 2020.

He got to snuggle with his daddy and Grams and I for a little while before they took him for his first official check up. The nurse walked away with him, whispering sweet words and promises of singing to him the whole walk to the nursery 😉

We slowly got relocated in our new room around 4:00 am and there’s a photo of Mom and Mikes McDonald’s on my phone, so I guess Mike must have went out and got some food for us all before Mom headed home but I don’t remember that 🤪

Baby was wheeled back into our room around 5:00 am and they were going to leave him with us, after very briefly and abruptly saying where the bottles and diapers were in his bassinet. We quickly asked if he could stay in the nursery and luckily he could.
They left him for half an hour of snuggles and then took him at 5:30 am.

It was then, that we finally got to go to sleep.
Luckily Mike and I got our own beds too 🤪👍🏻

(I was surprised at the lack of instruction the nurse offered about feeding, burping etc. thinking if we were people who’d never been around kids much, it would have been extremely daunting to be told next to nothing and just being left in charge of a little life.)

I awoke by 7:30 a.m. and they brought baby, and breakfast, by 8:00 am.

Mich jumped into the role of attentive dad and took care of baby the whole morning 🖤 Feeding, changing and soothing him, so I could eat my cereal.
Water retention/ swelling was a real thing that I was experiencing. My rings being very much stuck on my fingers and my eyes feeling more closed than open 😑

Between nurses coming in to check on us, food trays being cleared, trying to stay semi on top of all the messages coming in, and stressing out about choosing a name for baby H, I finally got to freshen up and take a breather and a bath, around noon.
While I did that, the babe was introduced to his Dutch grandparents via FaceTime 😉🖤

Next on the phone were his great grands and then his Canadian grandpa came for an in person visit after that!

Mom understandably stayed home that day to recover from her coaching job 😉👍🏻

The sister then wrote that she’d be coming in to see us and we placed an order for some Tim Hortons soup and bagels, though my appetite hadn’t been overly strong at all.

What followed was very disappointing and annoying… she texted us to say that security was telling her she wasn’t allowed up due to the nurses in the maternity ward saying it wasn’t allowed.
Mike went and tried to ask in person if she could come in and the new nurse on shift told him no.
So then I walked to see Pro, get our food and see what exactly was up.
I then walked back to the nurses station to ask why she wasn’t allowed in, when literally 30 minutes before I’d asked visiting rules to make sure of the restrictions and I had been told I could have up to two visitors at any time, not necessarily family, so long as they’d have masks on.
I was told that I’d been given incorrect information 😬

So, babe stayed with daddy so I could visited with her for about an hour in the lobby.

Then I went back to my room to eat my first real food of the day at 3:30.

Between trying to solidify our name decision, freshen up, paperwork, nurses, baby tending, guests or lack of, phone calls, etc… I was exhausted, had walked over 4,500 steps, been up doing stuff more than laying down and I desperately wanted a nap but never got one 😬

Mike left for home around 8 p.m or so, thinking he’d be more rested if he stayed there and thinking the nurses would take the babe in the nursery again.

Unfortunately, the new night nurse wasn’t the most enthusiastic about tending to my offspring and said she’d take him for a little bit after his check up at 12:00 a.m. since he’d have his 48 hour check at 1:41 a.m. 😬  So due to my med schedule etc. I ending up staying up waiting for her to come take him and bring my meds but she came late, forgot my meds and then only took him for a few hours, returning him at 4:00 a.m. Resulting in another very short, interrupted night for me 🤪

Wednesday –

By 8:00 a.m., the doctor had come and given us the okay to be discharged, Mike had come in from home and our child’s name was finally and officially, decided 😅

Thus,’ Lake Fallan Johannes Hagenouw ‘ was readied by his father whilst I got ready and we packed up, filled out his birth certificate information and prepared to leave, after what felt like a very, very long stay 🙈

It really felt like I’d been in there for years… giving me an appreciation for those who are unfortunate enough to have to spend much of their time in there. It really felt like I went there in the summer and came out in the fall…the trees having dropped a majority of their leaves during my stay.

I’ve never before in my entire time of knowing Michiel, known him to take a corner SO slowly and cautiously while driving, as he did when we left the hospital with Lake 😂
I halfway wondered if he was even planning to turn or if he somehow hoped he could just ever so slightly adjust his straight direction in a way that would result in the correct path, because let me tell ya, I think a full cup of water on the dash would have been perfectly safe and unspilt 😉

Before we could head home, a stop had to be made at the fathers sawmill, so we could introduce the little human to his uncles before they headed off for a weekend hunting trip.

He was proudly shown and received and then packed back up into the most uncomfortable looking position in his car seat 🤪
We went on to get a couple grocery items and then finally got back home, a much changed unit from when we’d left 🤓

Lake had an introduction to be made once we got home, to Atlas, the cat 😏🤪

Lake began crying during his diaper change and Atlas’s reaction to this loud, odd new sound, was that of tense stress and confusion 😂😬
I tried to reassuringly pet her and it freaked her out, sending her running to her room downstairs 🙈

I was exhausted and feeling it hard and the houses general state of chaos was magnifying those emotions.
I was so tired I didn’t even open the gifts set up that the sister had snuck over and set up to greet me on my arrival back home as I wanted to wait until I was in a better mood to enjoy it.

 That’s telling you something, when Jess will leave an available gift, unopened 😳

Mich sent me to nap, which I managed to do for a little while and then we got to go eat dinner at the parents house. Mom had made a meal for us, as well as the sister, sister-in-law and all those littles.

All of who were more than ready to make the newest family members acquaintance 😏

Then began the first night home with Lake and our new beginning as a family of three…

Aren’t You Excited ?! A Slightly Different Perspective On Pregnancy

 

I wrote this post a few days before Lake was actually born. I then mulled over it for a chunk of time, had my husband read it and also my mom. After they had both read it, I felt like maybe they were the only ones who should read it and it didn’t need to be released ‘into the wild’. It didn’t leave the back of my mind though, even after Lake’s birth and then there were many little things that crossed my path, that felt like a continued nudge to share this.

This post by an Instagramer I follow, was one of those ‘nudges’ and even though it’s more to do with ‘after’ baby and my post is more about ‘before’, I appreciated seeing someone else with similar thoughts/feelings and willingness to share about it.

@Darylanndenner

I will say, now that Lake is here we are thankfully all doing very well and adjusting to life as a family of three, much better than I was anticipating. Baby blues haven’t been a thing and the majority of pre-babe fears and doubts, have dissipated, for which I am very thankful. There have of course been emotional days and moments but that’s nothing unusual when introducing a baby into your life I think 😉

 

– September 10th – Written Pre The Babes Arrival –

I’ve thought about writing this off and on for like… 9 months 😬🙈 But every time I’d think about sitting down to actually do it, I’d think, ‘Nope. It’s too much. It’s not the norm. It will be taken wrong and people won’t understand. It doesn’t SOUND nice.’

Finally I just wanted to write it down so it’s out of my head because such things usually won’t exit my brain until they’ve been said or written. My husband has also told me a few times that I should just try writing it out… I’m obedient, when I want to be 🤪 This was vetted by him, as it’s been a little nerve wracking for me to post but, because I trust him, you have him to thank for reading this 🤪

Before I begin, I want to say that I TRULY wouldn’t want to hurt anyone with what I say, or bring undo pain, but I do want to show a perspective that is seen less often, from what I’ve noticed.
My hope is that by some small chance, maybe there is someone else out there who has had similar thoughts and feelings, and by seeing mine, won’t feel so singular in them.

But, in the end it is up to those who will read this, to come up with their own conclusions and thoughts, about me and mine 🤓

 

I haven’t been ‘excited’.

About what you may ask?
About the soon to be born child that we will be welcoming into our home and lives.

Yes, I talk about it, write about it, ask questions and have tried to be as prepared as possible, and no, it was not a ‘surprise’ 🤪🙈
I smile and discuss it/him, I post pictures and talk about names and outfits.

That doesn’t change the fact that it’s not a path I ever dreamed of taking though.

Ever since I can remember I have not liked, nor wanted, children.
I was never the young girl who wanted to go hold the new babies, to play with the ‘sweet and precious’ little ones, who wanted to grow up and be a mom.
The very idea of pregnancy creeped me out/sounded awful and seemed unnecessarily fawned over (Still does 🙈).

People would say, ‘Oooh, once you’re older/married you just wait and see, you’ll change your mind! 😄’. Do people typically change their mind about a food they have seriously disliked their whole life once they ‘get married’?

I think not 🤪

It wasn’t some little thing to just say to be different, it’s a for real, ingrained and felt my whole memorable life, characteristic.

That feeling has not ‘changed’ as I have aged.
It would be a whole lot easier if it would have.
We went into marriage fully aware that kids were lowest on the list of my desires.
Actually it wouldn’t BE on a list, if it was a ‘things I desired’ list 🙈
Mike on the other hand, likes kids and is fabulous with them.
They are as drawn to him, as he can be to them, and he reacts with love, fun and patience.
He knew he’d like to have kids but was also more than willing to consider a life without, if I never got on the same page.
He was supportive, loving, not at all pushy or nagging and left it up to me to broach the topic.

And so, it was indeed me, who came to him with the topic of, ‘Should we start a family?’.
I’ll honestly say it was just Gods nudging that had me even remotely THINKING about, thinking about having a kid.
Nothing else would have been able to sway my feelings on it besides feeling His persistent push towards the idea of starting a family.
It was a matter of where we were in life, what we’ve done, what we want to do and what we wanted our future to look like.

Did I actually want my future to look like baby items in my house and a little life to take care of, teach, raise and care for, for the rest of our forever? No.

Did I feel like it was what God wanted for us and a step I needed to take, trusting His leading? Yep.

Did I seriously hope we wouldn’t actually be able to have kids and that my mere willingness to think about a kid would be enough? Yes.

Did I feel guilty for having such a hope, when I know there are those who long, pray and struggle, for the very thing that so easily became a reality for us, when I didn’t even want it? Absolutely.

I didn’t cry for two days after taking the pregnancy test.
I just didn’t want to think about it.
Yet THINK about it was all I’d done for the 48 or so hours since seeing those two pink lines.
Think endlessly and tiresomely about everything and anything to do with what our future would now be.
Not happy thoughts either but thoughts of stress, worry, fear, disappointment, sadness, loss… you get the idea.
My head felt heavy and as if it would either burst or simply, achingly and possibly, just shut down.
Neither happened 😜

I know it’s (it = he = baby) what our lives need and will be exactly how it should be…but that doesn’t mean it excites me and THAT is a very hard thing to explain and not a thing you see or read when researching, ‘first trimester’, ‘ birth announcements’ etc.

Speaking of birth announcements… I dreaded ‘telling the news’.
I so disliked that people react like it’s the most blessedly wonderful thing to occur in our whole lives existence and that we/I undoubtedly feel that way too. I didn’t want to have to fake a smile and excitement but it’s not really something you can just casually NOT let people know about 😜 I didn’t want the, ‘congrats!! This is SO exciting, you must be thrilled!’ That isn’t to say I wasn’t able to appreciate such things and realize all mean well and that theirs is the typical reaction to babies.
I am well aware that it’s my reaction that is skewed.
I just couldn’t bare the thought of having to emotionally respond with positivity.
Thus, why we waited what’s considered a long time, to say anything.

Amidst all my Pinterest searching, app reading, people talking etc. (and trust me… I do a lot of pre-research when something stresses me out 😅) there wasn’t a single thing about ‘being pregnant by choice but NOT feeling overwhelming joy, excitement and love for the babe within’.

I honestly still feel no real connection to the babe… I can’t say I love him or smile upon every flutter and kick.
It’s uncomfortable.
He’s causing near constant heartburn/numbness and pain in my ribs/back, my belly is heavy and in the way of overall life-ing and I can literarily feel my skin stretching apart.

All that to say, I’ve still been blessed with a very good pregnancy.
Haven’t thrown up once, felt very little nausea and in general had no/very few of the oddities that so often attack those who are growing another person.
That doesn’t mean I’ve seen it as magical, lovely, sweet and precious or an amazing experience whatsoever though 😬
His movements still just creep my out and I feel like it’s a little unknown thing inside and I can’t at all picture ‘it’ as an actual baby, nor do I presume that I’ll miss being pregnant AT ALL.

As the day of his arrival comes ever nearer (it should actually have been yesterday due date wise🤭) it’s more trepidation that I feel than excitement.

Our lives are about to be turned upside down.
Isn’t it understandable to be a little freaked out by the fact that life’s ‘old’ normal is going out the window and the futures pretty unpredictable right now??!😅
I think so… but why is that part so rarely spoke of? 🙈

Yes, I know people say it’s the best thing ever, that we won’t be able to imagine life without him, he will be loved so fully, so immediately and so on and so forth. It’s hard trying to think of answers to those type of interactions that show socially appropriate amounts of joy and excitement, while yet being truthful about feelings that are the not at all similar.

I don’t fully doubt those sentiments either, but how come no one ever says things like, ‘It’s going to be hard but you can do it’ or ‘It’s not all magical that’s for sure, but try not to forget that there will be good times too’ and ‘I’m sure you’re feeling nervous about giving birth, I was totally scared/stressed out and don’t be worried if you’re not overwhelmed with immediate feelings of love.’?

There were many times that having the whole day to focus on the fact that I don’t have any of the ‘normal’ feelings that people on social media are displaying about the same life changing event, were mentally draining.

They speak of their ‘to be born’ babes with love, touch their belly with tender caresses and talk about how wonderful it is to feel the kicks, about how they love their baby so much and already can’t imagine life without them, how they are sure they will be best friends and just can’t wait to meet them.
How they have baby fever seeing the other newborns around, that breastfeeding is the most magically bonding experience or how they love the accessory of having a bump.

I’m not upset they feel that way…I’m a bit upset that I DON’T…that my feelings and thoughts are so opposite and thus a little isolating.

Those that know me, know I’m not good at hiding my true thoughts and feelings and though I don’t ever want or mean to come across as blunt or ‘too much’, I can’t help but feel like I’m showing a false image if I don’t say what I truly think and feel.
That’s what this is all about I guess… I’m not looking for sympathy, nor am I looking for people to tell me it’s okay.

I just want it to be known that maybe, not every person who is pregnant by choice, is living in a wonderful world of happy anticipation.

It’s very hard to get across that though my feelings are not what I’ve come to think of as ‘the usual’, I AM still grateful the baby is healthy. That I’ve had ‘an easy pregnancy’ thus far.
That Mich will be able to experience being a dad.

That even though it’s not something I’ve ever wanted and I still feel no real feelings like I think I should, I have to trust that it was God who lead us here and will continue to do so once the babe is ‘out and about’.

And that last part will probably be sooner than later.

Like, literally any day 😅

I am ‘ready’ as far as having a room and items and a supportive and helpful husband, friends and family.
I am getting pretty antsy to see who he takes after look wise and I do look forward to seeing him with Mike and visa-versa.

Am I ready to love, nurture, sacrifice, teach and comfort a wee little living being?

I don’t know that anyone ever is… but I’d appreciate any extra prayers 😜

 

I know this is a bit of a stretch from my usual ‘home makeover/DIY/recipe’ sharing, so I would really appreciate hearing from you, if this type of post interests you or if I should stick to the simple, homestyle type subjects in the future 😉

Let The Waiting Begin… & End. A Baby Story

Let the waiting begin… & end.
A baby story.

Saturday, September the 13th, passed as any typical day would. The usual discomforts of pregnancy and the ever present question in the back of our minds of, ‘when would babe be coming…?’.

I washed our sheets/bedding and had Mike carry out our big feather mattress topper to air out for the day and Mike jokingly asked why I was doing this all because my water could easily break that night and it would all be for nothing.

Little did we know…😅

Bedtime neared and with it, the first real sign of the impending changes about to occur.
My water began to break around 10:30 pm (the sheets were actually fine 😉 ) and so ensued a few moments of nervous, body wracking shakes at the thought of what was to come, a prayer said and then miraculously, a pretty good nights sleep was gotten.
We didn’t tell anyone until the next morning, as it didn’t feel drastic enough to actually ‘announce’ anything that night and risk ruining anyone else’s sleep 😬

Not much else happened throughout the night or the next morning but I wasn’t at all comfortable with the idea of perching upon a pew for hours at church, though I technically ‘felt’ fine.
Thus, we went to the parents house for breakfast and some casual hanging out and napping…all while overly aware of what was, or in this case, was not, happening 😜

Eventually we decided to return home and that us ladies would go for a walk, but not before I called the health line after the husband and mother persuaded me to. All the scary internet stuff was saying how it was dangerous to go ‘X’ amount of hours with your water being broken and not have contractions start so they were feeling a tad stressed. The nurse I spoke with, did say to go in to the hospital, not surprisingly.

We still wanted to get a walk in before heading into town but we didn’t get very far before there was some more action in the water department and we turned our route back around 😅  Mom returned to her house to gather some of her things and Mike and I scurried about ours, getting ready, loading the car, tidying the house, feeling scatterbrained etc.🤪

We got to the hospital around 2:30 and after getting checked in and being monitored, was told that absolutely nothing was happening but that I also wasn’t allowed to leave in case of infection. So we settled in for the duration…

Mom had stopped and gotten us all Subway and Starbucks pre coming to the hospital and those substances were enjoyed pretty early on.
Thankfully both Mom and Mike were allowed to hang out in my room and to go back and forth freely, even though technically the covid rules were that just one person was allowed in that area, since I wasn’t in active labour.
Mom and I walked the hallways for a while and Mike went out and did the odd thing around town until eventually we got the news that a medication to get things going would begin to be administered at 6:00…the next morning.

So, Mom stayed late, giving me a massage before she left and Mike went out to get us a supper of McDonald’s.

We then had to attempt to get some sleep while having to share my hospital bed… the hospitals way of encouraging couples to cherish their time together before their lives are turned upside down after baby maybe? 🤪
It was a bit of an emotional evening. The reality of how our lives were about to change, obviously more real than before and yet still feeling very unreal and uncertain…and still with no actual estimated time of arrival for the little one.

We did manage to sleep a bit but 5:30 Monday morning still came early…

Monday –

By 6:00 a.m. I was taken to another room and hooked up to monitoring for the babe and then given my first round of meds. Mom returned for the day then as well.

 

I had a McDonald’s iced coffee and some muffins from the sister to nibble on for breakfast but baby wasn’t waking up enough for them to end monitoring, so I was brought juice on top of my caffeine, since the nurse jokingly said he must be too accustomed to the coffee to care 🤪

That over, Mother and I took to walking the hallways once again… and also the stairs.

Climbing up and down 6 flights a few times, truly makes one realize ones limitations 😂🙈
Since our legs were starting to shake, we figured it was maybe time to take a break from that 🤪

I had my fancy hospital breakfast delivered and not long after Mike and Mom went out to try to pass some time and let me sleep.

I can’t say the hospital food was overly yummy that’s for sure but I do love the trays, little dishes and them all having their specific places 😂🙈
Just like airplane food… not overly tasty but yet so satisfyingly separated 😅
(If you didn’t already know this about me… I don’t like my foods touching and I typically eat one item at a time so these ‘foods on a tray’ situations make me oddly happy  😜)

My getting more sleep never happened, since more meds had to be administered since the appropriate 4 hours had passed and an IV was attempted to be put in, just in case I’d need antibiotics since my water had been broke for so long.

Three nurses and 6 try’s later I was left with holes in my hands and wrists but no IV.
Supposedly my veins are ‘beautiful’ but they are not easy to work with… great 💁🏻‍♀️🤪

Eventually the anesthesiologist came and got it in my arm in one try.
My support team returned from their break outside of the hospital walls with kapow shrimp from Montana’s and some specially made ‘birthday’ cupcakes the sister had whipped up and sent for me, and the babe who didn’t yet have a birthday to celebrate 🤪

(It’s the same cake she made me for MY birthday and if you’re a white/confetti cake lover… you really should try it 🤤👌🏻 Birthday Cake I Milk Bar. )

Around 3:40 p.m. the mumsie and I decided to try to get some sleep.

I had to be up by 4:50 ish for IV meds to be administered and upon waking, I noticed that there were some definite changes in my comfort level, or perhaps I should say my ‘fading’ comfort level.
Some cramping had begun and I was thinking I’d ask for some Tylenol or something next time a nurse came.
Supper was delivered at 5:07 and slightly eaten while I wrote Mike and told him there was a slight change but nothing to rush back to the hospital about.
He’d ended up going home for a few hours just to get some different scenery/rest.

Turns out on his drive home, my sister had passed him on the highway and she said he was going at an oddly slow pace for Mike and she passed him no problem, noting that he didn’t look overly alert. When he got back to the hospital he proceeded to tell us that he had seen HER on the highway and that she went speeding by! 😂 She later confirmed that she’d had her cruise control set, so it turns out it was for sure him that was the one lost in ‘hospital/baby’ dream land 🤪

Unbeknownst to me, as I was telling Mike that there wasn’t a huge massive rush to come, just that the pain was for sure apparent, Mom was telling him she wasn’t sure if he had time to go get Starbucks drinks 🤪😂

Along with the stronger contractions, came the body shakes that I’d momentarily experienced at home.
Nerves and adrenaline and who knows what else, were causing my body to tense up and shake and though I thought I was hot and wanted ice packs, Mother had the wisdom to get my heated blanket, which did indeed help.

It gets a little blurry here for me and maybe I should have had Mom and Mike write their experience from this span of time to fill in some gaps 😅

I just know I wanted my ice pack as well as the hospital supplied ones, constantly refreshed and that I was pushing them into my lower back with my fists, while Mom calmly sat on my bed, talking me through contractions and helping me to keep breathing calmly.
Mike was nearby, being a present comfort/ice pack refresher/Gatorade drink administer and encourager.
Except when he would talk/try to ask questions right when a contraction would begin and Mom would tell him to be quite… which is what I would have told him, had I felt like I could answer him 🤪😂

Tears gathered and hinted at welling out a time or two that I recall but were for the most part, kept at bay.

Having to stand up and get rearranged, was when the pain was the worst/least manageable.
I asked Mike to press on my lower back with the ice and his elbows, as hard as he could and I then questioned him if that was truly as hard as he could push?
His response was that yes it was and he hadn’t had to push that hard putting up a whole wall at work the week before 😅🙈

I was told the anesthesiologist was in the room next door and could come to me next if I wanted. I asked how long it had been since real labour had begun and was pretty shocked to hear it had been around three hours, as I’d thought it had been MAYBE 1 hour max and was expecting to have to endure the current pain and worse, for many hours to come.
I said something along the lines of if it was nearing an end, I didn’t know if the epidural was worth it or not, at which point Mike and Mom both said to just let the anesthesiologist come and I could decide then.
He came and between the shakes and contractions I was able to stay still enough to get the epidural.
Mike actually watched, which surprised me, knowing of his typically semi queasy nature 🙈
(He did tell me at a later date that it was for sure a creepy thing to see though 🤪.)
That needle was way less unpleasant feeling than the failed IV attempts, so that was a nice surprise too 🤓
Supposedly Dr. Williams is the guy to get… so if you’re ever in Prince Albert and need an anesthesiologist, I know a guy 💁🏻‍♀️🤪

Within 20 minutes or so of getting the epidural, I had relaxed and began to get drowsier and drowsier, contractions seemingly gone and heated blankets warming me into a drowsy state of almost completely pain free, recuperating rest.

This actually stressed Mike out a little bit as it seemed like all progress had stopped and the waiting game would now begin anew but he was comforted when the nurse read the monitors and confirmed that the contractions were indeed still happening 🙈

Though the shakes sporadicly continued, my talking slowed, my eyes drooped and my helpers also got a break and chance to update family and friends on the situation.
The babes hair/weight/time of birth guesses came in from the families and I guess I wrote them a little too, though I forgot almost all I had wrote and what they answered, not realizing this until I reread the chats a couple days later 😅🙈

The heated blankets had to be removed, as they were making me too warm and cozy and if my temperature went over their regulations, I’d have to be treated as a potential covid case.

I had been told by the nurse to let her know if I felt any changes or like it could be time to push. Come 12:45 a.m. I did feel a change but I didn’t want to tell the nurse, or my ‘personal staff’ because I just wanted to sleep 😂
Mich and Mom ruined that dream though, once Mike asked outright if I felt any changes and I let it out that yes, it was probably go time again 🤪
I told them that I’d say something the next time the nurse came in… which was almost immediately after that but as I was turned towards Mom, I feigned sleepiness and Mom looked on with a sceptical gaze and itching tongue, wanting to alert the nurse 😂
The nurse said she had to return right away, so I was able to ‘rest’ for another minute before telling her I felt like the babe and I were maybe more ready than before 😜
She confirmed that what I said was true and so, stage two of labour began.

I’ll put it in here, that I had SUCH a nice nurse during all of this. Nurse Jackie/Jaqueline was so pleasant and sweet and in the end, SHE thanked US for letting her be blessed with sharing the experience with us ♥️

The doctor was called and once he arrived, he stood back while his resident took over. The epidural was doing it’s job very well, so I was still feeling nearly nothing and pushing was just making it feel like my head might burst more than anything else, though I was told it was going well 😜 At one point as a contraction ended and I opened my eyes, they fell upon Mike and as I realized he was wearing his lined coat/sweater, I asked him with slight confusion and a little bit of disgust, ‘Aren’t you hot?!?’ This caused all around to laugh and Mike responded that he actually wasn’t but that he could take it off if it would make me feel better. It did 😂

The supportive staff and my two encouragers continued to hold their places and after around an hour of pushing, baby finally entered the world and our lives, at 1:41 a.m.

I could continue but I think it will be easier to end this segment and post more about the hours and days following baby H’s arrival into the world, in the coming days 🙂

We’re so very thankful that everything went smoothly and that babe arrived safely and healthily and that all was fine with me as well. Also a big thanks to all those who offered to help if they could and the stream of messaging of thoughts and prayers that came during the whole ordeal ♥️

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